…but I’ll try anyway.

I’ve been to Japan and have seen how that gadget-loving nation carries hi-tech to extremes, including toilets equipped with seatwarmers, bidet-style or regular spray warm water jets for rinsing, and a fan to air dry. All hands-free. After a week of having my tush washed and dried automatically after doing my business, the novelty still hadn’t worn off.

But this is just too much. Who among us hasn’t done some reading – even if it’s just “Jokes for the John” – while waiting for nature to take its course? And I suppose iPod users aren’t apt to take their earplugs out just because they want to take a dump. But a television set? A computer? An X-Box? Oh, come on!

The single funniest feature is the refrigerator, thoughtfully placed next to the exercise machine, so you can replenish those calories at the same time you eliminate, er, work them off. And if you’re a beer drinker, the benefits are obvious.

“You might never want to leave your bathroom again,” the story ends. Hear, hear. However, the inventors did leave one thing out. A bed.

After all, with all those amenities at your fingertips, why should anyone have to leave the bathroom just to sleep, too?

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